Why Not Me?

*This is an automatically generated transcript*

Kristi Wagner  0:03  
If not us, who? If not now, when? When do we get this right? We have an opportunity to do something right now. John F. Kennedy said this, and I think this question hits all of us differently. Have you ever found yourself based in a difficult situation where you can act or not? Where you may say to yourself, why not me? Hello, and welcome to the show the other three years. My name is Kristi Wagner. I'm an elite rower and Olympian from the 2020 games in Tokyo, and I'm currently training for the 2020 Ford games in Paris. Well, I still have to qualify. And to do that I need to pass several tests along the way. At the time of this recording, there are 497 days until the next summer games, and there is some stiff competition. Training can be grueling, stressful, painful, but also tons of fun. This podcast will bring you along for the journey of the other three years that happened between the Olympic Games. In this episode, I want to share how I got to where I am now, which started with the question, why not me. And while you're listening, I'd love for you to think of a time you've wondered the same. My hope is you'll be inspired to act on your dreams. But before we get into that, here's a special thank you to our sponsor palette. palette is a co working space and community that celebrates culture shared ideas and connections with offices in Saratoga and Schenectady, New York. palette is a comfortable place to get work done, escape from the challenges of home, or connect and meet with a group of friends. And they have great snacks, visit pallet community.com. To learn more and join today.

I remember the moment I first thought I could go to the Olympics very clearly. It was the summer of 2008. And I had just finished my freshman year of high school, which was really the first time I had rode. It was really early in the morning because the Olympics were in Beijing. And so I don't know if the race was happening live or if I was watching a rerun of it. But I went downstairs in my parents house and sat right in front of the TV, crisscross applesauce and watched as the US Women's aid, won the gold medal won the Olympics. And I didn't know any of those people, but because they were Americans, and they kind of looked like me and I rode in an eight sometimes it just occurred to me that I could probably do what they were doing for no reason other than I thought that I could, you know, why couldn't I? I don't know. I had no answer. When I was a sophomore in high school, I started getting the beginning levels of being recruited to colleges, which was very exciting. I didn't know really anything about it. Except that it seemed like a really amazing opportunity. And I love drawing in high school. So rowing in college seemed that but better. And I talked to a lot of different coaches at a lot of different places. I didn't have a top choice. I, you know, was interested in a lot of different things. And I went on official visits at a few different schools. And the first one I went on was at Yale. And it was just an amazing experience walking around that campus was so cool. I mean, it still gives me like goosebumps going around there today. It's a magical place. And I really liked the girls on the team. I really liked the coaches. It just seemed like an amazing fit. And the fact that they wanted me to be a part of the team was like, Are you sure? But they did. And I feel really fortunate that I, you know, got to go to school there and got to row there. It was an awesome experience. You know, that was definitely not all highs, there were some lows, and it was really hard. It's maybe shocking to hear but going to an Ivy League school is challenging. But I wouldn't change any of it. In high school, I was definitely a big fish in a little pond. And I was pretty aware that going to college, I was going to be a little fish in a big pond academically, I had no expectation that I was going to be the smartest person in any of my classes, which I do think was a little freeing. I think some of my classmates and you know, roommates had that expectation and then that's a really hard reality to live up to. So in that sense, I feel a little lucky because I I had no expectation that I was going to be the smartest person in any room. That just helped me learn from other people more are and which I did, I learned a ton. And I also gained a lot of confidence that my voice was just as important as other people's it says, It's as important to listen to what other people are saying as it is to feel comfortable speaking yourself. But the rowing was a little bit easier just because it was a smaller group. And it you know, rowing is an interesting sport, because it's, it's just a repetitive stroke, it's the same stroke no matter where you take it. So I knew how to row it wasn't like I needed to be taught a new style of a sport or anything like that new plays, like on a basketball team or something. So rowing was definitely where I felt comfortable. The soonest in college. And it was so great to have a team to walk into, it made the transition into college so much better. Because there were 3540 New built in friends, versus just this mass of scariness and unknown. I loved rowing in college, but it was a lot, it was a lot, physically and it was a lot emotionally, it was just a lot to care so much about a goal that was just so much bigger than you in college, you're just caring about winning team championships, winning the NCAA championship as a team, which is bigger than yourself. And so you have to kind of fit into a mold. Instead of doing the best things for you every day, you're doing the best things for the team every day. So you're putting the team ahead of your own needs. And that just was a bit emotionally exhausting, as well as physically exhausting. But I also had a great experience. And my senior year at NC double A's, my boat came in second, which was the best finish of any boat while I had been in college. And I felt like I did this, we were point one, three seconds behind first place. So point one, three seconds behind winning, which would have been the ultimate goal. Maybe that's why I kept growing, I still felt like really satisfied with what I had done. I got a job, got an apartment, you know, moved on with my life. But just thought I'd row recreationally, whatever that meant. I moved to Boston and a lot of people just row on the Charles for fun. So I thought I'd be one of those people, I thought it would be a great way to stay involved with the sport and stay in shape and just kind of have fun. But then I just couldn't stop competing. There was a group of elite women training there. And I trained with them. And I was beating people that were training full time, even though I had a full time job. And I thought, Well, why not me? Maybe I can do this. I've worked and trained a little bit for over a year. And then I decided to quit my job and move to upstate New York. And I told my parents and they were like, Excuse me? Not sure that's a great idea. Does elite rowing pay? And I was like, I don't think it does. They're like, how do you live? And I said, Well, I want to join this team that has housing and has coaching and you know, things are covered. And they'll also give me a job coaching the local high school team. So I'll have a job, I'll have a community, I'll have a coach, like that's a really important part of it. You know, I think this is a really great thing. And my parents were like, but Are you that good? People don't actually qualify for the Olympics, like real people don't go to the Olympics. People like Michael Phelps go to the Olympics. Real people don't go to the Olympics. And I was like, No, guys, somebody has to go to the Olympics. It could be me. They're like, well, it could be but are you sure you want to quit your job. So it was funny, but I will say My parents have been super supportive through the whole thing. I think they always believed in me. They're just parents. They don't want their kid to be cold and hungry on the side of the road. Qualifying for Tokyo was interesting, because it happened during COVID. And the 2020 Olympics were postponed a year. So everything was happening in 2021. Normally, there's only a couple months between each race. But this had been a whole year and people had retired and people had trained a lot during the pandemic. Some people hadn't trained a lot during the pandemic and I had definitely gained a lot of speed and I knew that I was gonna, you know, come out blazing. But other people didn't. So

I had a really good showing in the first race of the year and that kind of created to opportunities to get into double with a really accomplished athlete. So the, the woman that I wrote in the Olympics with is this woman named Jebi, who had won a medal at the previous Olympics in the single. So we were definitely like front runners. So I went from being complete unknown at the first race of the year to being in like the most likely boat to win in the second race of the year. So I was definitely nervous. Like, I didn't want to mess anything up. So I felt a bit of just relief when we finished. But it had also been like, kind of growing in the expectation that we were gonna win. And I think I had to do, I had to be mature enough, the goal was yes, to qualify for the Olympics. But then the goal was to perform at the Olympics. So while it was like, so exciting, and a dream come true, it wasn't like, Oh, that was the end game. It kind of just kept going. But it was, it was awesome. It was a really exciting day, my dad came and watched, which was awesome. But again, it was COVID. So it was like, so weird, like nothing had we kind of got on the dock and like, no one was there. And then normally, you get like drug tested, which doesn't even sound that exciting. But at least it's something that happens. That didn't happen. You normally like sign all these papers, but it's all electronic. Now, I filled out a form on my phone and then went to the car. Literally, nothing happened. And then my dad and I went out for pizza and I couldn't even eat the pizza because I was so spent physically and emotionally. I feel like I did everything I could have possibly done. And that got me fifth place at the Olympics. Yeah, it was a goal accomplished. But at the same time, there were 10 people or eight people, you know, that were better than me. My best was only fifth. It wasn't first. So how do I make it better? It's a bit of a daunting process when you gave everything last time. Here's a special thank you to our sponsor, the beauty bar. The beauty bar is your new glam destination for women on the go in Saratoga, New York. The beauty bar is amazing and can help you feel your best with many different services available, including monthly memberships for blowouts and makeup. The beauty bar also offers bridal makeup brow tinting one on one makeup lessons and group classes. I had an awesome time with my stylist fun. And she was not at all intimidated. When I arrived still gross and sweaty from a workout. It was a pretty amazing transformation, all while she kept me feeling relaxed and comfortable. I can't recommend fawn and the beauty bar more. The interesting thing about competing in Tokyo was also there were no spectators. So you know, I guess normally at the Olympics like is the one time where there actually are fans of rowing. But thankfully, they did let you know the other rowers watch. So like we watched, you know, our teammates race, and you could cheer and stuff. So there was some a little bit at the very end. But there were empty bleachers, like the whole last quarter of the race, which was just weird. It was, I don't think is weird for us. Because normally nobody watches rowing anyways. But for other sports, I think it was like a huge factor. Because it was just so quiet. Like, you're really quiet. I've really never been the best person on any of the teams. I've been on starting from, you know, other sports as a kid. And when I was in high school, I had a teammate that had so much potential and talent, and the coaches were so excited about her, you know, rightfully so. And I think I also had potential and talent, but I was so gung ho in a way that they didn't need to pull it out of me the same way. And then in college, I was not the best person, you know, there were tons of great people all around. So, I think part of me was always, you know, just wanted to be to work my way up to being the best. Confidence is fleeting, I'd say, as hard as it is to gain confidence. It's just as easy to lose confidence. I think that's the first thing even if you're super confident, you know, you've you've built up a ton of confidence in any in any area of your life. And for me, it's probably in rowing. And then suddenly one thing can happen and it's like a slide you know, or like you're climbing a rope in gym class and then your hands get sore And you like slipped down the rope. That's what I feel like confidence is like, but for me in rowing, I just have this kind of calmness, I'd say, I just believe that I can do it. And even if that doesn't happen every day, obviously, sometimes I have a bad day, sometimes I have a bad practice or a bad race. Overall, I really do believe that I can be one of the best in the world, if not the best in the world at what I'm doing. And, and I feel like whether or not that happens is kind of up to me. I mean, obviously, also up to other people, because there's other people in the race, and you can have the race of your lifetime, and somebody else also had the race of their lifetime. And maybe that was better than yours. And so that's the other thing that's kind of hard about sports is you judge yourself based on your performance, but also based on other people's performance. And that can be both good and bad. Like, sometimes you can have an amazing performance, but somebody else just had a better one. And then are you gonna feel worse, because somebody beat you, but you still did the best you'd you've ever done in your life. Or, you know, it's also true of the opposite. Like, you could have a bad performance, but you win. And then you have this sort of false happiness and false confidence. For me confidence is just the knowledge and the like, deep down belief that anything is possible. And, and so I might as well try, because if the only thing worse than trying and failing is not trying. And that was really one of the things that inspired me to keep rowing was knowing that I'm not going to wake up. You know, one morning, later in my life thinking, what if? What if I had done that? What if I had done this, and I meet people all the time that are like, Oh, I could have done that. But instead, I went down this path. And it's like, in my head, I'm like, Well, if you could have done it, why didn't you do it? Like, that's such a weird thing to say, in a weird way to live your life? Like, instead of wondering, What if Why don't you just try to do something? So I've been asked, what is the most disappointed in myself that I've ever been? And it's a hard question to answer, because I've had disappointments. But that's not really the same thing as the most disappointed in myself. And in reflecting, I think the most disappointed in myself that I've ever been, would have to be before I went all in on rowing, because I was spending so much time and energy, and resources of mine and other people's and trying, but in some ways, just going through the motions. And it's not that I didn't want to win races and achieve things, but there was just a little bit missing. And I think that was you know, the thought of why not me and being 100% all in making every decision, an easy one, that it would be something that would be good for rowing and, and good for me. And in some ways, those are selfish decisions, which is is tough to make. But at the end of the day, I decided that I only have so much of my life that I can spend chasing these goals. And on this journey, sports aren't something you can do forever. And I was kind of running out of time for the last Olympics, and I'm 30 years old. So I think in some ways, it was an hour, never moment. And I do wish that I had made it sooner, because it's been way more fun

you're always gonna have thoughts in your brain, that things might not go the way you want it to go and or just negative thoughts in general self doubt, negative self talk, whatever you want to call it, that's always going to happen. And you're always going to think, Oh, well, maybe I should have done something else. Or you know, when you make a decision, you're always going to have some sort of doubt that oh, maybe I should have made the other decision. I think a big lesson for me has been instead of trying to silence those, you know, negative self thoughts or those doubts or whatever is instead just kind of giving them the Spirit the space to to exist, and then kind of saying, No, thank you. I don't need you. You know, you can go now Because pretending that you're not going to have any negative self talk is like, impossible everyone has that. It's, it's going to happen. And you're going to question yourself, and you're going to question the choices you made, that's just natural, and it's normal. So pretending that it's not going to happen is silly. And instead being able to kind of take it and then say, No, I'm doing the right thing. I've made the right choices, I'm going to continue down this path is all you can do, and nothing happens overnight. You know, you have to make the choice of Why not meet again, and again, you have to decide every day, you know, and that's true when you're tackling anything. I mean, there's going to be hard times, but there's also going to be awesome times and it's making it through the hard times. That's what makes the good times feel so good. If something was effortless and easy, 100% of the way and then you got to the end, it wouldn't be satisfying. I think the hiking analogy is a very good one for life, like never when you're hiking up, are you like, Wow, I love this. I'm having so much fun. I wish this part would go on forever. And then you get to the top and it's beautiful. And you're like, Oh my God. I climbed all the way up here and now I get this scenic vista, and I get to have this snack I brought and life is so good. And then you go down and it's so easy. Your heart rate is low, it feels better on your knees. Then you get to the car and you're like I love hiking. You totally forgot about the way up. And now it's time for a segment we're calling ask Kristi anything. This week's question is coming from the Drexel University women's rowing team. Hi, I'm

Speaker 2  21:52  
Bella. I'm a sophomore Coxon. I feel like as a whole team, we have a very strong start a very strong finish. But like, really, I'm trying to find like a way to strengthen that middle body part of the race. What do you tell yourself and your I know you school? So what do you tell yourself when you're out there and you're like yo don't really have a Coxon to depend on and how do you make that body of the race prepare you for the finish so you can get out there? Well, I'd

Kristi Wagner  22:16  
say one thing that I've worked on for a while I've also had like a pretty good sprint finish for a while. And so my coach, he would say he can always tell when people can like feel the finish. Right? Like, and I feel like when you watch people ERG, you can see it too. Like if you guys are toxins, and I've done it coaching you can like almost see in somebody's body language when they're urging when they like, feel like they can go at the end of a piece. I think it's true on the water too. And so if you're starting, you know, the starting point of feeling the finish is like 200 meters or something. It's like, okay, well, how can you move that to like 300, and then 400, and then 500, you know, so that you're making your strength more of the race. Now I feel to finish with like 1300 meters to go. When I'm like 700 meters into the race. I'm like, Okay, I know, I'm gonna finish, you know, like, I know. And for me that just, instead of thinking of something as my weakness, I'm more just turned more of the race into my strength, which I think is a really helpful way so that you don't really have a weakness, you know, instead, but I tried to think of like, little just like mantras in my brain over and over again, I actually listened to like a bunch of gymnasts like talking about what they think about and they you know, because when they're like flying through the air, they think like, talk or you know, like all these different like one word things. So I tried to think of like, long elbows easy speed in and out like quick hit like I just tried to think of little things like that and I I am not a Coxon, but I bow a lot of boats and we try to have like two words you know, that mean? A whole sentence? Because I feel like that can be really helpful just to get everyone on board of all you have to say is easy knees or whatever. And that means like don't over compress and quick out of the catch without having to say that whole sentence.

Unknown Speaker  24:14  
Thank you. I appreciate it.

Kristi Wagner  24:16  
If you have a question you'd like to submit to ask Kristi anything, head to our website, the other three years.com You can find more information in the show notes. Here's a special thank you to our sponsor, the Saratoga today newspaper, Saratoga today has been a staple in the Saratoga New York community since 2006. Saratoga today newspaper is the community's weekly source of local news and information. They have a strong local focus making it a must have newspaper for homeowners and business people in the greater Saratoga Springs region. You can find the newspaper in print every Friday and also online at Saratoga today. newspaper.com I hope that people listen, and really come along for my journey. I think that one of the really cool things about making my first Olympic team was that I really got to celebrate it with so many different people. And it, it made me really reflect on how many people were a part of my success and my accomplishing my goals. And I honestly could not have done it without the help of so many different people who helped me in big ways, in little ways, in ways that they realized, and in a lot of times, ways that they didn't realize, and I felt really special, because I don't think there's a lot of times in kind of our adult lives that we celebrate people, I think we do you when people get married, or have kids or major life milestones like that, but I don't think we celebrate people, you know, in just kind of what they've spent their life trying to accomplish. And everyone is, you know, accomplishing crazy impressive things all of the time. And it, it just really made me reflect on that I should celebrate other people in my life more and that we all impact each other's lives more than we realize. And I just, I want people listening to be a part of my story, as much as I want to be a part of other people's stories, because I think, you know, people limit themselves too often. And it's so much easier for other people to see the potential that you have, rather than for you to see it. It's so much easier to inspire a friend to do something than it is to talk yourself into doing something. And I just hope that this podcast can kind of be that friend for you. Like, if you didn't think you could do something, I hope that, you know, listening to me talk about my life. Even though it's not always exciting, a lot of times it's disappointing and frustrating and boring and upsetting. But like, it's real. And at the end of it, I hope to accomplish something, you know, really hard to do and really important. And I'm just, I'm just excited to share that. But that, to share it in the hope that it inspires other people, you know, to go on a journey themselves.

Kristi Wagner  27:40  
Coming up on the next episode,

Kristi Wagner  27:42  
when you go to the Olympics, and you compete for the United States, the question that everyone asks you is if you meddled and I think in some ways, that's amazing. It's amazing that I live in a country where the expectation is that athletes perform at that high of a level at the Olympic Games, which is the pinnacle of sports, but it's hard when strangers say to you did, that's amazing. You went to the Olympics, did you medal and you say no, I came in fifth and they say, oh, and you're like, What do you think you could have done better? It's just an interesting situation. And I'm, I'm not sure that happens in other countries, and has, in some ways kind of clouded the way that I think I feel about how I performed and the other thing about it is that the US rowing team had our worst showing at the 2021 Tokyo Olympics, no boats meddled, and that was seen by a lot of people as a failure. And there's been a lot of talk and articles and interviews and everything about it. And people don't seem to be blaming the athletes but when when you know us senior team is a failure is a headline article. You can't help but take it a bit personally.

I'd love to hear from you. So send us a topic suggestion or if you'd like to submit a question for our Ask Kristi anything segment, head to our website, theother3years.com