High Expectations
This week on the podcast Kristi sits down with the founder of Bright Sighted and award-winning producer Christine O’Donnell. The two discuss how expectations have evolved throughout their lives, from childhood into each of their careers. They cover if expectations are good or bad (or maybe both!) And how sometimes the best thing you can do for another person is to have high expectations of them.
*This is an automatically generated transcript*
Kristi Wagner 0:03
If you're aiming for something that's really hard, like there are going to be bad days, there are going to be days where you aren't hitting your goals where like you are super anxious where you're stressed out, that's okay. Sometimes I get frustrated when I am more stressed out or am more anxious and people are like, it's supposed to be fun. It's like, well, yeah, and like, my baseline is happy, and it's fun. But everyone's allowed to be stressed out or anxious from time to time. In our reality, like, especially women are just, like, kind of mellow all the time. And when we do have outbursts like, oh my gosh, like that woman is freaking out. Welcome to the other three years, a show for anyone who has an Olympic sized dream, they want to turn into a reality. Hi, and welcome to episode five of the other three years. My name is Kristi Wagner. And this week on the podcast, I am going to share with you a conversation that my producer Christine O'Donnell and I had about expectations. We talked about the fact that as an Olympian, I have really high expectations both of myself and that others put on me. And we talked about the fact that expectations can be good, but they can also be bad. We talked about how sometimes expectations can be a really great thing because they inspire both yourself and others to achieve really high goals. But at the same time, sometimes high expectations can be a bad thing because they just kind of squash you down and beat you up. So I hope that you enjoy the conversation that we had. But I'm also excited to hear your thoughts. So if you have any, share them with us at the other three years@gmail.com. I want to share our review of the week. This review comes to us from Apple podcasts and from Shan Craig, who I know is my friend Shannon Craig. So Shannon, thanks for listening and thanks for writing this super nice review. Shannon says really well done interesting and insightful. Kristi story is awe inspiring, so glad she paired up with bright sighted productions to produce this podcast. As a former rower I love being able to dive back into the rowing world for the duration of each episode. picturing the workouts conditions and races Kristi and Gevvie and episode three, describe and discuss. It's so refreshing to hear that these incredible athletes have their ups and downs just like everyone else. I appreciate Kristi's candid candidness and honesty and look forward to listening to the rest of the episodes. always rooting for you and Team USA Kristi, you got this. Thanks, Shannon. I am equally a fan of yours as you are with me so. But for everyone else, friend, if we're already friends or not friends yet, please leave us a review on Apple pod gas or Spotify. And maybe you'll be featured next week as the review of the week.
Here's an update on what I'm doing right now with my training. So I am still in California. I have one more week i camp. And honestly, I have been a little bit stressed recently, because we have selection coming up. And tomorrow actually. And one of the other girls that I'm in the camp with is injured. So things have kind of changed. The plan is always changing, which you learn to be adaptable and ready to do anything but it still can be stressful, because you just don't know what's going to happen. Or it goes from being you know, okay, this is just what I need to do to achieve, you know, to be on this one path. And then when people are injured or things go wrong, or you know, whatever it means that there's suddenly kind of no direct path or a lot of different options on the table, which just makes things a little bit more stressful and uneasy. So I've had a bit of that. And I also just had a pretty busy work week last week. So it was just a lot a week of a lot of things happening. So I feel both happy that kind of last week is over but just I think a little bit physically and mentally exhausted from lots of things happening with rowing and with work. But that being said, I also had some really good workouts last week and I have a little bit of rage inside me, which I think is a good thing. I, I think, you know, you never feel comfortable. But I think I really want to make a point, which I think is a good thing. And I also have a bit less work on my plate right now, which is really nice. So for the last week of camp, I can just focus a bit more on rowing and on resting and recovering. And all those things, which I'm pretty excited about. I had kind of been running like, right from practice to my computer to get things done. And now I can maybe walk a bit slower. But yeah, yesterday, we had the day off our only day off of camp. So that was fun. One, two In and Out Burger, a little things in life, I guess. I think that I do my best when I'm happy, and having fun. But I also think that when I feel like a bit of a chip on my shoulder, I also do well. And I think that's what I mean by rage, like just a little bit of fire in my belly, something to prove. My teammates always talk about rage. And I think they're right, I think that it just means that you kind of like want to prove the doubters wrong kind of, even if the doubters are made up in your mind, which I often think that, like I think right now, I've concocted this whole narrative in my head, so that I can. And I think everybody does that. So that they can like get the most out of themselves athletically. And I think it's funny because so many people see themselves as an underdog, even when they are totally not an underdog to anyone but themselves. And I can almost see myself doing that like, Oh, well. Now this is the situation. So I have to you know, show them this. And I have to do you know, like paint yourself into a corner OMA so that you can really come out, guns blazing. We have a whole week of selection. There's three possible days, but they don't. They don't know if they'll use all the days. So Tomorrow is Tuesday, and we'll do a round of racing. And then we'll have a meeting after that, and then have more information. But then there could also be racing on Thursday and Friday. But the camp ends on Saturday. We all go home on Sunday. So I guess by the time I go home, hopefully I'll know something. But who knows. By the time people are listening to this episode on Friday, I'll probably know more about the next few weeks. Definitely by the time I record again next Monday, I'll have a better idea. But I'll also be home which will be so exciting. Can't wait to go home. Today, I am going to have a conversation about expectations and where they come from how we meet them. Everything that goes along with that with my amazing and beautiful producer Christine O'Donnell, she What are you the CEO? Yeah,
Christine O'Donnell 8:15
I'm the founder,
Kristi Wagner 8:17
the founder and CO bright sided podcasting. She's very accomplished woman, in many facets, pertinent to some rowers listening here, she is an NCAA champion in rowing from her. Well, she's still in her glory days. So from the first round of her glory days, which have spent decades at the University of Minnesota, she's going to focus springs, to Saratoga Springs High School road at Saratoga rowing. And she has a redheaded sister. So no.
Christine O'Donnell 8:49
Yes, you do. Thank you. Thanks. Thank you so much Kristi that was the best introduction I've ever had. I'm so glad I'm still in my glory days. So, Kristi, you're an Olympian. You're also an American. And there's still a whole year between now in the Olympics like there's still a lot of time between now and then. Do you find that you're constantly up against expectations? I think
Kristi Wagner 9:26
expectations are high. But as probably true for most people, the expectations I put on myself are probably higher than the expectations that anyone else is putting on me. Even if it doesn't always feel that way. I think there are high expectations. And if you are trying to be one of the best in the world at something, then the expectation is that you're going to be pretty good at that. But for me boiling it down into what can you do every day instead of constantly looking Got that one circle date on the calendar and thinking I have to be perfect that one day and just taking things day by day makes it a lot less overwhelming and a lot less stressful and more fun. So the expectations are high. But I think I kind of thrive in a high expectation environment.
Christine O'Donnell 10:20
How does one thrive in a high expectation environment,
Kristi Wagner 10:25
I've kind of existed in a high expectation environment for a long time. I grew up in this amazing but very competitive town in suburban Massachusetts called Weston and I went to public school, but it was a super competitive public school. And the expectation just from my school was like, it was cool to be smart. And it was a good thing to get good grades and to get into a good college and to be good at extracurriculars. And all of those things like that was an expectation kind of put on by my parents, but more just put on by the community in which I grew up and what classes you were taking and how you did on tests. And how you did on papers was kind of common knowledge. Like, everyone kind of knew how everyone else was doing and doing well in school and doing well in sports and, and any extra curricular you were doing was kind of an expectation, maybe not an expectation, but like, a good thing.
Christine O'Donnell 11:33
So it sounds like to me that your normal was just like living in a life where there are just high expectations everywhere. But maybe it just didn't seem that way. Because it was just like that was your fishbowl that you grew
Kristi Wagner 11:50
up in, exactly, I I'd say definitely my normal was high expectations, or at least the expectation that you were going to try your hardest. And if you were going to do something, and that was true from an expectation from my parents, once you signed up for an activity, you were going to complete that activity and you were going to try your hardest. And once you know, that season ended or that session of whatever ended, you could you didn't have to do it again the next year, but you couldn't quit at something and you couldn't not try, you had to at least try and give your hardest, because that was only fair to yourself, but also to the other people on the team or the other people in the activity or in the class or the teachers or whatever. So.
Christine O'Donnell 12:38
So that's interesting to me, because I was also raised, like our families are different. I was not raised in the same town as you. But my parents. I don't know if high expectations is right. Maybe it is. But they always said they wanted me to achieve more than they achieved. Like they wanted more for me than they had. And we did have this rule that you can't quit at something like if you're going to do something, we're going to spend the money for you to do this sport, you need to finish it wasn't cheap for my parents to do that at the time. I mean, my father was a corrections officer and my mom was in the Air Force. So it wasn't easy for them to afford for me to give you involved in extracurricular activities. But I also like had this like, catch in my mind where I couldn't quit anything, which sometimes took the fun away, especially if I was really bad at something. Or sometimes I just would like find a way to enjoy something even though it was really bad.
Kristi Wagner 13:52
No, totally, I, I feel that I my parents. It was really important to them that my brother and I have lots of opportunities available to us and that we went to a really good school. And so they moved to the town that I grew up in, bought, like the least expensive house in this town because the public schools were the number one public schools in Massachusetts. And, you know, like, when I was a kid we had, my dad had like a beat up Volvo. My mom took the train to work, like we'd walk to the train station to pick her up from work, you know, very different than some of my friends who had six car garage is filled with pretty fancy cars, but I didn't ever feel you know, and my parents have now worked very hard and live in a very nice house, you know, but to me, I'm super aware that like they've worked for everything that they have and but yeah, there was there was definitely an expectation or maybe not expectation, but just a knowledge that we were being given opportunities, and we needed to make the most of them. And that was really true for me when I was applying to colleges. And when it became clear that I could potentially go to an Ivy League school, it was like, to my parents, it felt like they had really made it, if their kid went to an Ivy League school, I'd maybe have to ask them if that's true, but it was kind of a, we didn't have that opportunity available to us. And that opens so many doors for you like, that's a once in a lifetime opportunity that you need to take, if it's available to you. Which I don't think you necessarily need to go to an Ivy League school to have, you know, a successful career or a successful life. I don't think that's true at all. But it's also not lost on me that there are a lot of doors open to you, and that you get a really good education. So I think sometimes the whether or not, it's anyone's fault, the high expectations that I felt also added a lot of pressure to me. And over the years, I think that pressure has made it seem like I needed to achieve things, and I needed to do things and failure wasn't an option, which caused kind of anxiety and stress. And maybe I didn't have as much quote unquote, fun as I could have been having. Which I think is something my parents kind of, are now like, well, we don't want you to be like a neurotic, workaholic person. Like, you need to enjoy your life. You need to have fun, you have amazing family and friends who love you. So it's been kind of an interesting, sweat like flip, switched switch flipped. Now that I've been like, so no nonsense with rowing, unlike my life, like, No, I have to do this. No, I have to do this. You know, especially as like, my grandparents are elderly. And, you know, I've missed things like weddings and baby showers and all of those kinds of things. It's like, Well, is it worth it? And then, you know, I went to the Olympics. So I think to my family, it seemed like it was worth it. But to me, it's like, everyone makes decisions in their life all the time. And so if you achieve success, it means it's okay to kind of be an absent in other areas of your life. Like that's kind of a messed up thing. But I don't know what the solution is.
Christine O'Donnell 17:51
I don't know if I know either. I think that you affirm me when you were interviewing, are you doing the interview with Chevy? A couple episodes ago. And I don't even know if this made it into the final cut. But there was something you two were talking about. And it was bursting the rowing bubble, like finding a way to distract yourself outside of rowing, and training for the Olympics, so that it didn't become all consuming and anxiety ridden. And for me, as someone who's an entrepreneur, I find myself like consumed by what I do, like for my business on a day to day basis, and I am absolutely a workaholic and have been for like my whole life. I don't think I know anything else. Is that healthy? I don't know. Things. But it makes me feel good. But But I think what you touched on was finding a way to burst that bubble like so that other things do matter more like when you're able to incorporate those other things so they matter as much as the thing that you're training on or almost as much as maybe you're better overall like you're more complete person or maybe you'll even be better at that achieving that one goal if you're more well rounded than just purely focused on that one thing. least that's what I took away from that part of the episode.
Kristi Wagner 19:31
I definitely think that it's important to have other things and other people and other things that give you value and make you feel fulfilled in your life. It's beyond whatever your your number one thing is. And I think that can be true if you're you know, a stay at home parent also i I feel like that's probably one of the hardest things to do is to be a stay at home parent and just have nothing else Not that I'm not a parent, but I'm sure children are extremely fulfilling. But by my goodness, everyone needs a break every once in a while, and like, I just think getting out, like, my mom has talked us about this. Like she, I guess, when we were little had kind of a time where she thought about maybe not working as much she's like, but I loved working and having fulfilment in my life that was separate from my family. And, you know, and like, that's amazing. You know, like, that's, that's incredible. And she's worked so hard, and she's very successful and accomplished, and I'm so happy for her. And I'm sure, watching her work really hard, impacted me in my life and made me such a hard worker myself.
Christine O'Donnell 20:47
I find myself I feel like I'm seeing a metaphor come could come to us here. So we were talking about the fishbowl that we were talking about a bubble. And the point is to pop the bubble or the point is to get out of one fishbowl and into another fishbowl to see like what you're missing, right? Like I feel like we all become more well rounded people when we like get into someone else's fishbowl or like you know, travel from fishbowl the fishbowl. When was there a point in time in your life when you you know, found yourself getting out of your like expectations, fishbowl and maybe popping into somebody else's fishbowl or a different kind of fishbowl and you're like, Hmm, wow, I really like I really, my life was not normal, like my normal is very different than other people's normal. Like, when did that happen for you,
Kristi Wagner 21:41
I kind of jumped back and forth between different realities in my life a lot, because sometimes I'm gone for weeks at a time, right now I'm away from home. So my, I'm still working. And I still, of course, talk to my family and friends and stuff. But my reality is pretty small, because I'm supposed to be really focused on rowing right now. And we're in this kind of pressure filled environment and, and all of these things, and then it can be hard to go home. And then like in the snap of a finger, you're supposed to be back in your quote unquote, regular life and doing all of your regular person things and kind of cohabitating and existing in. And I think it's hard for both the people that come back, like me, my teammates and stuff, but then also for the people we come back to, like, everyone found a new normal, and then the transition periods are so awkward. I don't know if hard is really the word because of course, it's so nice to be home. But it can be super awkward. And you're kind of like, or at least for me, sometimes I feel like, oh, life went on without me. So now I need to, you know, refigure out what it's like to be back in the real world and exist as a regular person and navigate those things. But that also, for me, at least really brings me back to Okay. Say rowing is not going great. Like, it's, it's okay, it's okay that things maybe aren't going okay, I need to. There's so many other things happening in the world in both in my sphere and kind of externally. Like, I need to take a chill pill. And it's, I find it actually really helpful, which is why I like being home so much, because I think I'm not just hyper focused on growing all the time. It reminds me of kind of the bigger picture and that I have people who love me, no matter what's going on, have no matter how fast I'm moving a boat backwards. And it can just make the day to day more fun. Not that it's not fun being at Camp it is it's it's a different kind of fun. But being home definitely brings me back to like a reality of okay, you can relax. It's not, it's not so pressing. If you had one bad practice is not the end of the world. Because sometimes it can't like, if you had a bad practice, you just go and sit and think about it and think oh my gosh, that impacts this. And this impacts this and blah, blah, blah. And before you know it, your head is spiraling and spiraling. When it was probably fine, nobody maybe nobody even noticed, you know, like, but at the same time, sometimes we do have to be really hyper focused on rowing. And sometimes you do have to just think about it all the time and try to go really, really fast. And that can be hard because then you're kind of dropping the ball and all these other areas of your life and some, you know, friends aren't just going to wait around and say okay, A great, well, seven years past, but now we want you to be our friend again. Like that's not how, like, that's not how it works. And it's, it's been hard for me because I've definitely missed a lot of things with my friends, especially my friends from college. And I see them sometimes. And I, I'm aware that we're not as close as we used to be, which makes me sad, because I love them. But what can I do? You know, like, those are decisions that I made. And of course, I can reach out more, we could all reach out more and all these things. But if they've all gone to vacations together, reunions and bachelorette parties and different weddings, and I've only made it to an eighth of those things like, of course, we're not going to be as close. And that's sad, but it's a reality. Yeah.
Christine O'Donnell 25:49
I think a lot of people feel that way. As they get older, no matter what the goal is that they're going after what they might be doing, there seems to constantly be a difficulty for me to make sure I'm staying in touch with everyone who I love and care for. And it almost feels like there's these seasons of life where people become such a dominant part of your life, and then they kind of fade out. Or like someone else fades in. And then it's like, but who are like, who's my stability? Where is my stability? Is it within myself? Or is it external? Or is there a balance, and I feel like we're starting to talk about relationships, when it comes to expectations. And these expectations are these your expectations that you have for yourself, that you're chasing your own dreams that's costing you perhaps some relationships.
Kristi Wagner 26:49
At this point in my life, my expectations are definitely my own expectations. I think when I was younger, high school and college expectations for my parents were, of course, they wouldn't have ever gotten mad at me for losing a race or failing a test only if, you know, if I had tried if I hit, they would only get mad if I didn't care and wasn't showing up to class and all of those things. But they, they've, I don't think their expectation has ever been Oh, you have to get straight A's and you have to be the best person on this team and the lead in the musical or whatever. It was more that no, you have to try and you have to be a good teammate or good classmate or whatever. You have to be nice to people. But there's they're also supportive. Like, I think there's a difference between, you know, they want me to win. Like, don't get me wrong, they're also very competitive. They want me to win and they love me. So they share in my losses. So when I lose, they're also sad and they feel it for me. And then when I when they're happy, you know? And they, you know, my dad's so funny, like, he calls me before a race and he's like, you're ready. You're ready. You know, you've done it. You've done everything you need to do like you're prepared. You've got that. Thanks, Dad. Yeah, we got this. But it's really nice. Like, at this point, it's it's really nice. They just don't want it to be like detrimental to the rest of my life. I think at this point, they want it to be fun while also wanting me to do well.
Christine O'Donnell 28:38
Yeah. Well, that's awesome. It is great parents.
Kristi Wagner 28:43
I do. I have I have incredible parents. I mean, don't get me wrong. They, they like it when I do well. They're very proud. They're like, super proud. When I went to the Olympics, it was hilarious. Like, I was like, Guys, you need to take it down a notch. We don't need to tell literally everyone we know. And they were like, yes, we do.
Christine O'Donnell 29:12
How was it for your brother?
Kristi Wagner 29:15
Oh, my brother just brings it back to him. Like my brother is a works in commercial real estate in Boston. And he's very successful. So he'll just send us Oh, I won this award. Oh, here's me with this view achievement. Oh, I've landed this sale. And this is my closing deal. Oh, I got promoted to this. Here's my new business card. Oh, and then he's a really he has season tickets to a bunch of Boston sports teams. Oh, here's me with this celebrity. Oh, I went to this VIP party. Oh, here I am here so he's fine. Okay, but the cool thing. I mean, I'm also lucky because I have an amazing brother but I am my brother's like biggest fan like I think he can do no wrong. He's A superstar and he is like my biggest fan. So it's fun when like, my friends meet Joe, and they're all like, oh my gosh, you're such a superstar like love to me. And it's the same when I meet his friends. They're like, it's so great to meet you. I've heard all these great things about you like, no, because we just are each other's hype men, so, and women and women, yes. So yeah, he's fine.
Christine O'Donnell 30:27
He's like, Oh, Chris, you went to the Olympics will check this out.
Kristi Wagner 30:31
Like, I'm not kidding. Like, here's an accolade of mine. I learned he's earned all of them. He's also a redhead. So I think he's got some natural charisma that just comes out
Christine O'Donnell 30:45
as a fellow sibling of a redhead. I could. I feel like I can relate. Maybe that's what brought us together, Kristi
Kristi Wagner 30:55
grew up with redhead, redheaded siblings to tough life and you don't have red hair.
Christine O'Donnell 31:02
Just saying. There's somebody who has definitely gotten more attention than me. And it's her. But I feel like it's also like well deserved. She's wonderful. So be like joke that everybody like our parents love her more. But I really think she's the baby like they love her more. I love her more to it's fine. I do. She's wonderful.
Kristi Wagner 31:32
Grandchildren. So I feel like, ah,
Christine O'Donnell 31:35
which means I have new people for them to love more.
Like, okay, so I looked up the definition of expectations, right, because that's what this episode decided it's about this episodes about expectations. So the definition from Oxford is a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future, a belief that someone will or should achieve something. That's the one that it feels more like the second one to me.
Kristi Wagner 32:15
And I think expectation has a negative connotation, but I don't think it necessarily needs to, I think in our culture, expectations seems heavy. Whereas I would argue my parents have have high expectations of me in a positive way, it just means that they think that I can do anything, and they're like, undeniable belief that I can do anything has let me achieve really amazing things in my life. So sometimes I think expectations can be stifling, and can kind of be overwhelming and be like a noose around your neck. But I think also, having high expectations of people can be like a really positive thing. Because oftentimes, it's easier to see somebody else's potential than to see your own potential.
Christine O'Donnell 33:13
I think you're hitting on such a great point. And that is giving people the opportunity to rise to the occasion. And if someone has high expectations of you, and you don't have them of yourself, or you'd like don't even know to have them of yourself, if someone else has them of you, but in a positive way, where you get the opportunity to rise to the occasion. It's one like So confidence building like I feel like that is has been such a key to my growth. And my success is other people like seeing something in me and then being like, oh, wonder if you can do this. It's almost like reverse psychology where I'm like, watch me do it. Like, give me the opportunity to blow your mind and I will do it. So I do think that has been super empowering for me. I hope it's in a positive way. For others is like do you know, have any experience with this or thoughts on it? No,
Kristi Wagner 34:15
I know. I know what you mean, I think I think it can be like I feel like I told the story. Maybe I didn't have the first time I went to my sports psychologist like 2018 And he was like, Okay, so we're gonna close our eyes and I'm like, Oh, no. No, but he's like, we're gonna I'm gonna paint a picture like you just won. You're standing on the podium. You just won an Olympic gold medal. And Alex start laughing like dude. I can't see it, you know, like, but like, he's right. You have to like see yourself achieving something before you can do it. And a lot of that too, is like just being surrounded by I people achieving successful things and achieving big things like, I grew up in a town where the expectation was people went to really good colleges. So my, it was just, I will go to a really good college, I will take a lot of AP classes, I will, you know, do these things because that's what the xspec That's what the norm stands. The standard. The standard is, other people are doing it. And I saw other people doing it, and they weren't anything more than me. I think it's kind of been the same thing in rowing, like, rowing is a small enough sport, where I, I met I saw I knew other people that were on national teams were on Olympic teams, like even when I was in high school, we'd go to races where there would be national team people racing at the same race as high schoolers. It's like, that really only happens in a sport like rowing there. Maybe it's true, I guess it's true for running like the Boston Marathon, it's pretty cool that people are on the same course, as the top people in the worlds and just like anybody can do it. I think that's like such a cool thing. Because it just means that more people are given the opportunity. Like, I remember right before 2020. They hold the like, Marathon qualifier or whatever. And like an unprecedented number of women like hit the marathon qualifier, Standard Time, like it like quadrupled from like 2016 to 2020. These are we have to fact check me, but it was just people who were like, Well, I think I can do that. I think I can do that like, and that's like a positive impact of social media and sharing of information online. Because you just see other people doing it, you're like, that person's not that different than me. And then they do it.
Christine O'Donnell 36:55
I mean, I feel like you're giving an example of how representation really is everything. Like when you see someone who looks like you sounds like you doing the things that you can't even imagine doing. But then we they're doing them? Why couldn't I do it? So I find myself like writing a list here, like, do we have a list, something we can give the audience like, Hey, if you're listening, and you find yourself with high expectations for yourself, here's how to manage that anxiety and stress. burst your bubble, find yourself a new fish tank. And then here are some benefits of high expectations.
Kristi Wagner 37:40
I think it's also important. Like, if you're aiming for something that's really hard, like there are going to be bad days, there are going to be days where you aren't hitting your goals where like you are super anxious where you're stressed out. Like, that's okay. Sometimes I get frustrated when people when I am more stressed out, or I am more anxious, and people are like, it's supposed to be fun. It's like, well, yeah, and like my baseline is happy. And it's fun. But everyone's allowed to be stressed out or anxious from time to time. That's just a reality. And it's when the scale starts slipping and you're that way more often than not that we have a problem. And you know, you have to face that. But every now and again, like everyone's allowed to have those feelings come up and be you know, more nervous, more anxious, more stressed. Like, that's okay. Thank you think in our reality, like, especially women are just, like, be kind of mellow all the time. And when we do have outbursts like, oh my gosh, like that woman is freaking out. It's like, I don't know if she's freaking out. Like, maybe she's just having a stressful day.
Christine O'Donnell 38:53
Or a appropriate reaction to her circumstances.
Kristi Wagner 38:56
Yeah, like maybe she's just got a lot going on. And this traffic that she's now in and making her late is annoying. She's allowed to be stressed out.
Christine O'Donnell 39:10
Wait to put yourself in other people's shoes. Kristi, you're really good at that. Well,
Kristi Wagner 39:15
no, I hate traffic. But we actually had this interesting conversation as kind of recently about how like, crying is like, a very has very negative, you know, associate like if a woman is crying, it's like, oh, she's a motional. Like, whatever. But it's like, that's just a response. That's just like a, you know, emotional response to something. There are definitely things in my day to day that are unique to someone that's training for the Olympics or professional athlete but that majority of my, like, ups and downs through my day, I'd say are pretty ordinary, I would say that I only we only race a certain number of times a year. So like, I really only sit up in a starting line, maybe 10 times a year, which is not that many, like, for the amount that I train. And so and some of those are like, really important days, like, it's really important to perform your best on certain days. And that, that does provide added stress, and added anxiety. And, and then after, depending on how it went, you know, added sadness or added happiness. I think those things are a bit unique, like, and I'm also constantly working on not making those moments. Quite so. I don't want to impact other people's lives. As much as I think sometimes I do. Like in my sphere.
Christine O'Donnell 41:00
What do you mean? Like, you call your Chris and you're like, Hey,
Kristi Wagner 41:05
I just think it's like, you know, it's a really big day. And I'm just really nervous. But I don't want to, you know, but then I don't really want to talk about it. So I'm just kind of a little grouchy. And when things don't go, Well, I'm upset. But you really can't let the highs get too high, or the lows get too low. But I think that's like people talk a lot about like the post Olympic depression. And I think it's because like, you're just putting so much into this one moment of time. And if it goes well or goes badly, like no matter what it's over. And so everything is just kind of like a blank abyss in front of you. And that's hard. That's like, you cared so much. And then it's just over. Which is sad. So there's things you can do. Yes, that's why you go to sports psychologist, and there's things you can do, you know, like, have stuff lined up to be doing after that and everything. But I think the thing that makes athletes or someone of this kind of nature, life unique is that you're putting everything into like a singular performance. And it's hard because there has to be no tomorrow, like in order to make it the best thing ever. Like there has to be no next day. But then the next day still comes around. So it's a bit scary.
Christine O'Donnell 42:42
So for anybody listening to this right now, what do you want their takeaway to be from this episode?
Kristi Wagner 42:51
I hope that anybody listening feels that expectations can be a good thing. And can be excited when other people have high expectations of them. Because it only means that other people see kind of limitless potential within them. And that that can kind of inspire you to have limitless potential of yourself. And that it's okay to have expectations, it's okay to sometimes not meet your expectations, that doesn't mean that it was a bad thing to have them. And I'd also say like, everyone comes from a different background, different places of where they find inspiration or what their expectations are different from everybody else. But there's no like one path to success. There's many different ways to get to the same point. So if my story is not like your story, that doesn't mean that you can achieve great things. Like I'm very lucky. And I know that I'm very lucky to have parents that love and support me and to have grown up where I grew up. Like there's been a lot of privilege in my life. And I'm very aware of that. But that doesn't mean that you need to have that to get anywhere. Like it's just my story. It's just one story. There's tons of stories.
Christine O'Donnell 44:19
There are tons of stories, and I think something I've learned from you during this episode or was reminded of is how much of a gift it is when you have high expectations of someone else. If you can see potential in someone and hold them to that high expectation that high esteem, then you're giving them an opportunity to rise and gain confidence and that is really cool.
Kristi Wagner 44:51
It is cool. Being a part of other people's stories is also awesome. I think it's hard sometimes especially if you're kind of a peer of the other person to see the merit that you bring to other people's lives. But sometimes when you take a step back, and you can see how you played a role in somebody else, achieving their dream is also just like a super awesome and super fulfilling thing. So having expectations of yourself but also having high expectations of other people can be really helpful for everyone.
Christine O'Donnell 45:23
Agreed. That's why I love having teammates. I think competition is good. You know, doesn't get you crazy, healthy, healthy competition. All right, well, I
Kristi Wagner 45:39
can go a long way.
Christine O'Donnell 45:41
Yeah, a little like, push. There's many ways to motivate to be motivated. Something you said with Chevy in the last episode. Thanks so much for having me on the show. Kristi.
Kristi Wagner 45:53
Thank you so much. You had such great words of wisdom to share with everybody. Now it's time for one of our favorite segments. Ask Kristi anything. Our question this week comes from George Mason student athlete.
Speaker 3 46:11
Hi, Christi. My name is Daly and I'm from George Mason. I think my question for you is what is your most favorite and memorable voice? And how did it feel?
Kristi Wagner 46:24
Wow, that's a tough question, favorite and most memorable race? That's a really hard question. Um, we can edit this part out. I think I actually think that one of my favorite races, I love all I don't know if I can pick one favorite race. But all of my favorite races and favorite racing memories come from kind of outperforming how either a coach or a ranking or something thought that my boat mates and I were going to do in a race. So my sophomore year, in college, my I was in the TV, and we raised the NCAA A's. And we were seated like 17. And we came in fit. And it just felt so good to have outperformed our ranking by so many places. And we had to go through the wrap which is like a French word rep Ushaw and rowing they, they use the word rep to mean like last chance, that means you didn't automatically qualify out of the heat. So we had to do that which is never ideal. And then we kind of had this really gutsy race in the semi to make the a final and it was just really exciting. It was really fun to have you know, the only people that believed in us were ourselves and it was just really special to have that moment with my teammates and and be able to kind of outperform our our ranking by so much so that was one of my favorite kind of regatta weeks and just it always I like to think back on it because like, I like to call it regatta magic can always happen. Like doesn't really matter what's happened before. That's why you've raised because you never know what the outcome is going to be. Thank you de lien so much for that question. If you have a question you'd like to ask for the next Ask Kristi anything, submit it to us on Instagram. My Instagram is at kristinumber1 and I can't wait to hear from you.
Coming up next week, we have a very exciting guest. It is none other than my mom. And she came and told told the world's all about my childhood and what her thoughts are on me rowing and trying to go to another Olympic games so I love my mom a lot and I really hope the world does too.
I'd love to hear from you. So send us a topic suggestion or if you'd like to submit a question for our Ask Kristi anything segment, head to our website, theother3years.com